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06 March 2010 @ 12:38 pm
stephen abell, nov.5th 1918 - feb.18th, 2010  
got back home thursday night, after a week in pittsfield. my grandfather passed away, and it was worth all the scrabbling i had to do to make it there for the funeral service. i don't really understand the way that side of the family does things, seemed tacky as all hell, but i tried not to think about it that way.

i briefly thought about going up there when people were saying their little pieces, and talking about the times he and i went hiking together, just the two of us, just a few years ago. just before the parkinsons hit, and his incredibly good health went careening downhill. our relationship was a little different, in that neither of us spoke much as we walked, but i felt like we connected on a different sort of level than most of the family. i suspect that he might have been the corner of the family where i get some of my less social tendencies, and that silence we shared worked just fine.

i just wish i'd been able to go with him more than i did, but even at the time, i knew i would. funny thing about the regrets like that, like most anything i wish i'd done differently - i don't know if you can really call them regrets, when i always see them coming, and just don't know what to do about it. really, i'll miss him just the same, regardless.