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03 February 2010 @ 08:30 am
wherever i go  
here i am. treading water, just trying to stay afloat. tired. never made it back to the gym. once i went off-track, i just couldn't seem to find the motivation. and i tried, i really did. still paying for it, though. fucking year-long contract. i didn't even blink at the time i signed it, because i never had trouble getting to tsd regularly.

i feel like i'm at a point in my life where i have to accept that this is who i am. i am not a motivated person. not ambitious. not focused. it isn't entirely who i want to be, but such is life. i let this river carry me where it will, and lately, that's not very far.

no matter what we think we're doing, i think we're all just trying to be who we are.
 
 
 
silvergirlsilvergirl354 on February 4th, 2010 06:24 pm (UTC)
oh, hon, NO ONE can get to the gym. It's a part of the human condition. TSD is completely different. So don't beat yourself up - just accept you're part of the human race - hard for you, I know. :)
josh: pic1vhaln_zur on February 6th, 2010 12:46 am (UTC)
by gym, i mean the kickboxing place. it's like a cross between a gym and a karate school. but yeah, you may be right. maybe i need something closer to the karate school end of the spectrum. i don't know. i don't think it's just that. i've just been struggling more than i was for a while, with some all too familiar symptoms of Depression lately, and not doing the sorts of things that seemed to help battle it, like getting to class regularly.
(Deleted comment)
joshvhaln_zur on February 22nd, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
i need to get this cart to that place where they sell horses.
i'm sure a doctor could. it's just difficult to get them to cooperate in that capacity. unless you mean the growth-hormone thing. and in that case, yeah, but it's difficult to get my lazy self to cooperate in that capacity.